there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
