somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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