Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she smelled like a LAN party
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
