I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
