I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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