Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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