I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
