I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
