i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
