ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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