He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
