I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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