every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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