im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
