Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
