i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
