She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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