What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
