Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
