Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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