Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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