went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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