we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
