we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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