Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
