I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
