Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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