I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
