How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
