I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
