Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
