just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
