Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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