i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
