I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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