My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
