True but thats because hes a fetus.
Where is the hickey?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
