So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
