there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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