i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
