Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
someone get that fucking seahorse.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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