i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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