I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
