What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
