you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
