I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
