We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
