Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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