I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can I color on your dick again?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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