We're like a lot better than the average bears
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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