I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
