In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
